Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

One day, a beggar went to the market to beg for money.

Some people gave him money, but most didn't.

He noted down all donors' contact addresses.

After a few hours, he drove a Mercedes Benz and went house to house (of the donors) returning their money.

The amount returned was 10 times what the donors gave. eg. RM10.00 for RM1.00, RM100.00 for RM10.00

The people at the market heard of this news and were stunned.

The next day, the beggar went to the market to beg again.

The market was full of people giving him money.

Almost all gave him big note with addresses written on the back of dollars notes.

In less than an hour, the beggar received RM88,000.00.

He left the market place then, and was never seen again...

This is what we call *SKIM CEPAT KAYA* 😁

[Hurricane88]

A Bombay lady lawyer who handled high profile divorce cases once joked:

*If a man behaves after marriage, the way he behaved before marriage, there won't be any divorce at all !*

Advocate replied:

*If a woman behaves before marriage, the way she would behave after marriage, there won't be any marriage at all !*

🤭😎😜

[Hurricane88]

Air Force Joke 😜😅🤣

I was at the Grocery store with Grandpa , who is a retd. Air force pilot, when two Girls in *super short skirts* walked by.

Grandpa said, "Look at those *Jet Skirts*" as we both admired the two Ladies.

I had to know, what's a Jet Skirt?

Grandpa replied, "It's a Skirt so short that *when they bend over you can see the Cock-pit.*"

😜🤣 *Air Force view of life*

[Hurricane88]

[malaysiapig]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A GREAT JOKE TO SHARE AND SURE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH 😂


A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way.

I'm a defective parrot.'


'Holy crap,' the guy replies.

'You actually understood and answered me?'

'I got every word,' says the parrot.

'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.


'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked,

I wrap my willie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.

You can't see it, because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy.

'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with

reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $100.00 price tag

'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'


'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me,

cause I don't have any feet.

You can probably get me for $50, just make the guy an offer.!'

The guy offers $50, and walks out with the parrot.


Weeks go by.

The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal,

he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.

The guy is delighted.


One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes,

'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.

'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'


'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted

him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.


'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie,

and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'

'Yes.


Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees,

and began to kiss her all over.'


Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'


DUNNO?!? I got an erection, and fell off my perch.!'

Haha interesting story 😂😂😂

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[SBMEDSUP]

Love all the jokes.

[masters]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

For laugh - How Olympics got it’s name 👇

The queen of Sardinia, named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-off-me), was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2,500 years ago in Greece.

In those days, believe me, the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on a drink containing salt petre before and throughout all of the events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed "Oh! limp pricks!" (those days the Greek did speak English &#129313.

Over the next two and a half millennia that morphed into *"Olympics"*

Just thought I'd share this profound knowledge, in case you didn't know, how the word Olympics was coined ...😂😜!!!

Nice one

[malaysiapig]

In case you have lost the collection slip, don't worry $2 shop offer a upgrade version
made in Japan

[lipe]

Bro master

Up you 18 points.

Originally Posted by masters

Nice one

[masters]

Originally Posted by lipe

Bro master

Up you 18 points.

Thank you

[MayTheresa]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A Bombay lady lawyer who handled high profile divorce cases once joked:

*If a man behaves after marriage, the way he behaved before marriage, there won't be any divorce at all !*

Advocate replied:

*If a woman behaves before marriage, the way she would behave after marriage, there won't be any marriage at all !*

🤭😎😜

So very true!!

[masters]

My friend died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept saying "be positive", but it's hard without him.

[ah rat]

_____________

[Hurricane88]

*Ten Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime ???*



*1. The Post Office.*

Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.

*2. The Cheque.*

Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with check by 2022
. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the cheque This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.

*3. The Newspaper.*

The younger generation simply doesn't read the newspaper. They certainly don't subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man. As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.

*4. The Book.*

You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can't wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you're holding a gadget instead of a book.

*5. The Land Line Telephone.*

Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don't need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they've always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes.

*6. Music.*

This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It's the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing Over 40% of the music purchased today is "catalogue items," meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, "Appetite for Self-Destruction" by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, "Before the Music Dies."

*7. Television Revenues.*

To the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they're playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. I say good riddance to most of it. It's time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery. Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

*8. The "Things" That You Own.*

Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in "the cloud." Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest "cloud services." That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That's the good news. But, will you actually own any of this "stuff" or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big "Poof?" Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

*9. Joined Handwriting (Cursive Writing).*

Already gone in some schools who no longer teach "joined handwriting" because nearly everything is done now on computers or keyboards of some type (pun not intended)

*10. Privacy.*

If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That's gone. It's been gone for a long time anyway.. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7, "They" know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits.. "They" will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again and again.

*_All we will have left that which can't be changed....... are our "Memories"._*

_Logic is dead._

_Excellence is punished._

_Mediocrity is rewarded._

_And dependency is to be revered...._

*_So now for your tomorrows.... just be Happy & enjoy your Life to the Fullest. 😊_*