Low sex drive or cheating?

[Powerpuffgirl]

Hey everyone, i have been following this forum for a few months and I must say, the stories here has propelled my sex drive to a new high.

However after my 'upgrade', I find my hubby sex drive to be on the low side. I am now thinking if I am not sexy enough, or he is cheating on me ( thus I am not needed that often, even rejected at times.) . We are both in our early 30s and together for ard 3 years (including courtship).

Any experts here able to help identify if he is cheating or just low sex drive?

We do it 3 to 4 times a mth. Is that normal?

Thanks in advance.

[randomtots]

3-4 times a month is not too bad for married couples i guess, especially those who have kids ard. I advise you not to be paranoid, most probably your hubby is too tired from work and stuffs. If he didn't touched you for more then a month, start to be worried then.
Communication is the key, try to engaged him in random small talks. Its funny when we men don't appear horny, women think we are cheating or having an affair. Sometimes, we just want to enjoy other things in life beside sex.

[CyberRod]

Hi Sis... Just sent you a PM... :)

[Frederick]

How many times do you need?

[SH149]

Hmmmm ...... It's quite low I must say

Maybe due to stress don't assume he been cheating on you as it might wreck your marriage life

[fuckdaddy]

it depends on what was your frequency previously. if it had always been 3-4 times a month then there is nothing wrong with it unless you notice a significant drop. but 3-4 time a month is neither too little nor too much. that's like once a week so still not so bad as long as it is regularly.

you are the one who got "upgraded" so maybe you want to try to "upgrade" him? try to spice things up a bit but don't be too obvious or else he might think you are the one cheating :D

[AmeShin]

Stress and overload of work can extinguish desires as one will be too preoccupied.

If u want maybe try things like costume play as it may spike up a suddenmood

[ah rat]

TS,What is yours hubby Occupation.Tell more.If its due to works stress.
I have high sex drive if I see neh neh & pussy :D

[scamper]

What do you mean by 'upgrade'?

[5ag1_Boar]

There are several reasons that men have low sex drive:
- as you stated... Cheating
- stress, tired from work, or other matters
- hiding/avoiding erection problems or premature ejaculation
- don't feel loved
- wife not attractive any more, either physically or behavior wise (constant nagging, never help with house work)
- naturally low drive
- others

3 to 4 times a month might be normal for some couples. Especially if married for some years already. Is this rate similar to before your marriage?

Are you still as attractive as when you were dating or first married? Do you still bother to dress up for dates? Do both of you still go for dates?

Is sex with him still as fun? Or has become boring? Does he seem less enthusiastic during the act itself, then last time? Is he adventurous in bed?

Maybe you should talk to him about your sex life and what he likes or wants in sex. His fantasies? He might want more, but afraid to ask. Early in my first marriage, I had very boring sex with my wife, although she was not frigid, but she was inexperienced. I tried initiating new positions like doggy, but she complained pain and was not keen (she was wet, we could do it in missionary). I shaved my pubes, she said "eeee". No blow jobs, sex was always missionary. After that I stopped experimenting in bed with her. I tried hinting her with sex articles from her own womens magazines, but she never got it. Naturally, our sex life pretty much died. When we divorced she told me she thought i had low sex drive. So, point is communicate with him about sex and of course the other stuff.

Had a friend who almost divorce his wife. She has a pattern: study, then work a short while, then go back to studies again. Keep making him spend money on unnecessary things. He don't mind supporting her, but she does not play wife well. Example, when she stopped studying and still had no job for a few months, all she did was watch Korean DVD all day at home. Didn't do laundry clean house. He come back from work still have to do all that himself.

[sky_liner2]

Sis welcom onboard. U may have upgraded, but who knows, your hubby is already a long time player of SBF and may have been frequently going to FL services.

[Xgenre]

However after my 'upgrade', I find my hubby sex drive to be on the low side. I am now thinking if I am not sexy enough, or he is cheating on me ( thus I am not needed that often, even rejected at times.) . We are both in our early 30s and together for ard 3 years (including courtship).

Any experts here able to help identify if he is cheating or just low sex drive?

We do it 3 to 4 times a mth. Is that normal?

What do you mean by upgrade? You just cut off your penis and is now a full woman is it? Or have you just started taking hormonal pills that causes a spike in your sex drive? Or did you just added 2 breast implants that upgrade you from A- to C+? Or is the upgrade marriage? Not trying to be rude but wish to just highlight 1 point. Please speak in straight forward terms to guys, we don't always get what you mean.

If both of you are Singaporeans, 3 to 4 times a month is normal. Just look at the Durex report on sexual frequency. Singaporeans make love about once a week. You are definitely a normal couple according to the report. What would be your preferred frequency? Have you been keeping yourself physically attractive? A lot of Singaporean women have little love-making skills. Strip, suck cock a bit, lie with legs open and wait for further instructions from the guy on when to switch position. Perhaps you aren't the lover that rocks his groin for him, just a responsible woman who can raise his kids. 1 more thing, just because he beds you with an average frequency doesn't mean he is cheating on you. Guys start our sexual journey with our hands. Getting married doesn't mean the wife replaces the hand, it probably just means the wife now supplements the hand.

I suppose you are being flooded with PMs from eligible men asking to help you fill your sexual void. I trust that you will be wise enough to know low sex drive doesn't mean he cheats and high sex drive doesn't mean you should cheat.

[BiRd13]

3-4 times is quite less... Are you both married for a long period of time already? I do know some couples after together, especially married for a period of time, their sex drive will get lesser.

Perhaps one of the quote in some bros sig is correct... Man need a new pussy everyday =D

Anyway, like what others mentioned, might be due to work stress. There's quite a number of reason behind it. And many doubts too. Are both of you like that from the beginning? Even if you don't answer, i guess the answer is NO.

Usually couples tend to have lots of sex during the relationship period. Will gets lesser as times goes by. And even lesser after marriage or giving birth etc.

[AmeShin]

U may need to define or specify "upgraded"

As it may hint and enlighten more

Is yur upgrade is fake boobs? Become fat?

Become chio?sexy?

[Alantino]

My guess is upgrade in sex drive ( HSD ) la.

Sis, just try to be more initiative during sex. you will see difference.

me and my ger also 1 mth 3-4 times, too frequent will be bored shyt too.

i will sometime even skip a week of action, the following sex date she will be more sensitive and even ask for more.

[Apocalypse]

My friend had the same problem.

Then she found out the hubby was gay.

He asked her not to divorce him as he need to have a family for show.

Now he's giving her a big allowance to do what she wants.

[CyberRod]

Hi Powerpuffgirl, I can't reply your PM as it's full... PM me other modes of communication if it's convenient to you... :)

[LovePotion]

unfortunately for my case, its my ex gf whos the unwilling one with low sex drive...

not into sex... not foreplay... not anything... she gives for the sake of giving then after some time i dont even want anything from her alrdy.



thats when i explore into sbf....

[chnhubby71]

Hi Sis, for your info, you are better than us already.

We sometimes end up ZERO a month. And if I am lucky, I will get average 1 times for 3months. hahaha

Bcoz of lack of sex, I intro my wife and g/f to swing with others. And luckily, it did helps to improve a little bit but too much to the end of us having sex.

But it do enhance our sex and marriage life when we enter into swing with others.

Hope you can have a good chat with your hubby and intro him to this forum to help both of you to move forward to enjoy sex as a happily married couple like us.

Cheer!

[dennischan]

nice to see comments from bros here ~following~

[polkadoll]

i think TS upgrade means after spending a period of time here she starts to see sex in a new light. As in sex can be more fun more sexy and more exciting. thanks to the highly imaginative bros here, erotic stories can invoke hidden sexual needs or feelings hence the increased in sex drive.

Maybe TS would like to spring a surprise on hubby.Men are visual creatures, on a particular night you can wear something sexy, cuddle up to him, give him a sensual oil massage complete with candles or aromatherapy etc...Or TS can try some nice sexy novelty games or suggestive outfits in those adult theme shops.. If all fails, just look at him in his eyes and say: I need you now so badly Just kidding.. :D
Good luck!

[HunterJ]

I believe Powerpuffgirl's inbox sure full. Many suggesting other "suggestions" to her. haha !

Btw, work stress might be one of the biggest problem which arise in many marriage. Low energy level will lead to lack of sex too. Try something else with your hubby and try to arouse him. Maybe give him a massage, and slowly leading to a kiss, and later make love.

Communicate, explore, and everything will be fine. ;)

[LovePotion]

Too stress will affect 2IC to underperform

[RealEstateGuy]

Sistah, 3 or 4 times per month might be the SG average but IMO that spans all age categories. Not sure what is the mean age Sistah. Sistah, with that being said I don't necessarily think your husband is getting it from someone else but really 3 or 4 for your age category is on the low side Sistah. Sistah, I run a business and am busy enought but need it every other day it seems. If anything a man needs sex to releive stress overall horniness not withstanding. Sistah I suggest eroticizing things. Get some nice sexy lingerie and when he comes home surprise him and rock his world starting with a blowjob kneeling by the front door, multiple position fucking all over your home, tear his clothes off, etc. like he's never been rocked before Sistah. Sistah, fuck him like a horny slut and see if that starts to change the frequency, duration and temp of your love making. Sistah, try this and report back to us Sistah.

[picnic]

I agree sis, less than 4 times a month is insufficent, I too run a business and I need it from her everyday. She will have to satisfy my need else I eat outside loh!

[Stageboy]

hi there,

too less 3 to 4 times a mth (if without any kids)
normal is 3 to 4 times a week ( if me )

anyway try to wear sexy (review body not too much skin) man turn on for tat..

[Virginhere]

Hmm..We can try and then i can tell you whether you are sexy enough or not =p

[Constable]

I agree sis, less than 4 times a month is insufficent, I too run a business and I need it from her everyday. She will have to satisfy my need else I eat outside loh!

So you should keep her by your side all the time so that you can bang her whenever you wants.

[picnic]

So you should keep her by your side all the time so that you can bang her whenever you wants.
I do and always tell her she is my sex slave:>

[freezetheDB]

alot can be solved with a good blowjob.

you cannot expect the hubby to be up and ready all the time without good stimulation to conjure hardness into the flesh rod

[cocobun]

other then not having 'regular love making' session, are you happily enjoying other daily activities with your husband? does he treats you well and you feel bless for having him as your husband?

[Powerpuffgirl]

Hi all,

Tks for all the Pm's and advise.

My upgrade means increase in sex drive. The stories are erotic and really turn on.

We used to have a higher frequency of 2-3 times a week. Prob 8 to 10 times a mth. It gradually reduced to the current.

I still look the same after married, infant lost some weights due to new job, my boobs did not get smaller due to it. I also travel twice a mth but will usually be back every weekend unless extension needed.

I do make an effort to dress up, make a move, talk dirty and ask him about his fantasy which he claim he has none.

However, I do feel abit cheapand pitied at times as he doesn't initiates at all nowadays and that is abnormal to me. To be fair, he seldom talks dirty as well. Initiative from him for sex in the past start by passionate kissing when we are in bed preparing to sleep.

He is aware of the schedule of my flights in and out of sg. Now I decide to keep it from him to test certain reaction.

His phone is clean, no mystery SMS or call.

Once again, thanks for spending the time to read this. Appreciate it.

[Alantino]

Sistar, try to hold on there la. its not easy for 2 person to come together.

sometime ,the trick is not to plan a day for sex. hehe. give him sudden attack.

if you wants to maintain the marriage without flinging, you can get sex toys to keep your drive going.

jia you wor!

[RealEstateGuy]

Hi Sis, for your info, you are better than us already.

We sometimes end up ZERO a month. And if I am lucky, I will get average 1 times for 3months. hahaha

Bcoz of lack of sex, I intro my wife and g/f to swing with others. And luckily, it did helps to improve a little bit but too much to the end of us having sex.

But it do enhance our sex and marriage life when we enter into swing with others.

Hope you can have a good chat with your hubby and intro him to this forum to help both of you to move forward to enjoy sex as a happily married couple like us.

Cheer!Braddah, your wife is not interested in sex with you but is more interested in swing situations. Braddah, deductive reasoning means she is not interested in you?

[Alantino]

Braddah, your wife is not interested in sex with you but is more interested in swing situations. Braddah, deductive reasoning means she is not interested in you?

bro, cannot so direct la.

there maybe other reasons like married couple sex is like brushing teeth in the morning and night. bored and routine.

[soccerboot]

Actually, you are not alone in this situation, my wifey is in even worse scenario! We can count how much times we made love in a year, 3-4 times only! I already known this problem before marriage as I am not sexually attracted to her. She enjoyed the sessions we had together but my shaft will be at 6 o'clock position when she tried to make passes. Have some faith in your r/s & find out or discuss the situation with him. No need to jump the ship or sentence him, be sure to be by his side when he need you. Cheers!

[HunterJ]

Hi all,

Tks for all the Pm's and advise.

My upgrade means increase in sex drive. The stories are erotic and really turn on.

We used to have a higher frequency of 2-3 times a week. Prob 8 to 10 times a mth. It gradually reduced to the current.

I still look the same after married, infant lost some weights due to new job, my boobs did not get smaller due........

I do make an effort to dress up, make a move, talk dirty and....

However, I do feel abit cheapand pitied at times as he doesn't initiates at all nowadays and that is abnorma......

He is aware of the schedule of my flights in .....

His phone is clean, no mystery SMS or call.

Once again, thanks for spending the time to read this. Appreciate it.

Dear sis, the reason to not let him know your flight schedule?

Anyway, good luck to you. Hopefully there will be some changes in your marriage life. Mutual understanding between your hubby and you will sure work out fine. :) ;)

[RealEstateGuy]

Actually, you are not alone in this situation, my wifey is in even worse scenario! We can count how much times we made love in a year, 3-4 times only! I already known this problem before marriage as I am not sexually attracted to her. She enjoyed the sessions we had together but my shaft will be at 6 o'clock position when she tried to make passes. Have some faith in your r/s & find out or discuss the situation with him. No need to jump the ship or sentence him, be sure to be by his side when he need you. Cheers!

Braddah, wow. Braddah why marry if no attraction?

[vscelwan]

TS, may be he has STD and scare to spread the virus or he is doing raw outside with girls and afraid he contact any STD that will pass to you. Regardless of age usually most of the guys initial for sex provided he is already bored on you or something wrong with his dick..

As u mentioned that his hand phone is clean, do you know how many hand phone he have? Most of my friends they have more than one hand phone. One for wife/gf and the rest is for FL or bla bla.. but their wife/gf are not aware of it they own more than one hand phone. One of my friends own three hand phone. I also curious why he needs so many.

[AndyFeng77]

Or maybe his andropause is beginning? :eek:

Coz when i ask FLs what is the usual age of their customers, they said is around 25-30. This may mean that most men's sexual urges declined after 30. In fact, i also experienced the same thing though my decline is very gradual. :o

[kgbkgb]

There's no such thing as normal frequency. For some ppl, everyday is normal. For some, once a month is normal. It's a very individual thingy. I tink sex drive in men tend to drop beginning from 30s onwards whereas for women, the drive actually goes up! Thats where the problem lies.

[calvintan123]

Maybe you shd specify to us what did you wear when ur making ur passes....did u dress sexily or something? Men are 90% visual creatures....try wearing see thru lingerie or loose spags tops which can expose tits....even better go topless accidentally in front of him( complain shirt is smelly cuz never sun) then test his reactions..
Maybe ur hubby is tired. Try cosplay...go gmarket get a few sets...it will make this interesting....

For all you know...he giving u advice now on this thread as a senior semester.

[wally888]

Your hubby is one lucky dud. So many samsters here deprive of sex from their wifey! If your hubby only have sex with u 4 times a month and u need 8 times, then definitely if u dunn mind I can fill in the other 4 times :D :D

[guess67]

Why do majority guys think that ladies don't have the needs?

[Starkarat]

so many suggestions and informations from fellow samsters... sure Ts will be more confused!haha
hoped she managed to solve it asap... or u can pm me for answers too since ur pm is full...☺

[Toyota Honda]

Hey everyone, i have been following this forum for a few months and I must say, the stories here has propelled my sex drive to a new high.

However after my 'upgrade', I find my hubby sex drive to be on the low side. I am now thinking if I am not sexy enough, or he is cheating on me ( thus I am not needed that often, even rejected at times.) . We are both in our early 30s and together for ard 3 years (including courtship).

Any experts here able to help identify if he is cheating or just low sex drive?

We do it 3 to 4 times a mth. Is that normal?

Thanks in advance.


hey girl,

I am in my 30s with my ex OC. We now do only once a mth cos we are both busy from work and daily stuffs. Though good thing is we cuddle to sleep everynight and wake up with good morning kisses. So, you are not that bad afterall.

[Alantino]

Maybe you shd specify to us what did you wear when ur making ur passes....did u dress sexily or something? Men are 90% visual creatures....try wearing see thru lingerie or loose spags tops which can expose tits....even better go topless accidentally in front of him( complain shirt is smelly cuz never sun) then test his reactions..
Maybe ur hubby is tired. Try cosplay...go gmarket get a few sets...it will make this interesting....

For all you know...he giving u advice now on this thread as a senior semester.

you TS hubby??? XD

[Starkarat]

so many suggestions and informations from fellow samsters... sure Ts will be more confused!haha
hoped she managed to solve it asap... or u can pm me for answers too since ur pm is full...☺

[apemcc]

Kudos to Powerpuffgirl for making the effort to maintain the fire in the marriage. Not many of us have wife that may have such initiative. Perhaps your husband is under some work stress? Suggest to go for counseling to have a talk... Without knowing both sides of the story, your husband is a lucky guy and you're a strong woman