The Darkest 2 hours of my life.........

[BTech]

As the title suggest..... I went for the Rapid test on Wed of last week... I was having diaorrea and sleepless nites for the past 2 weeks and thoughts and guilt filled me trememdeously........

I prepared my family and gf and frends on my test... I went for counselling and last min chickened out and got a refund of my $20... walked out with a heavy heart cos images of me being positive (2 lines on test strip) was overwhelming. That nite I went tpo sleep and had visions of the counsellor telling me I am positive...

On Thursaday... it was a difficult day.. I went to a church for counselling again and finally accepting a come-what-may result...

On Sat... I went to DSC again for the test..... the pain and anxiety was so overwhelming that I can imagine no bros here can understand......

After 20mins wating for results... counsellor took some brochures for me and said... according to the rapid test....... your bllod test shows NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that this is a wake up call for me and I have promised before come what may.... this test makes me a better person. I am henceforth moving on and doing some volunteery work at the Action For Aids as well as applying to be a volunteer at CDC....

All I can say is.... bros... all the cheonging is not worth this agony.......

[goodpartner]

hi bro, good 4 u.... do still remember this forum and post some FRs on your volunteer work at those establishments along the way.

all the best!

Brother Btech,

First of all, congrat u, you had put down the box of condom and walk toward the light of enlightment. Feel for you.

As for me, i had lost my "first time" 2 years ago. I save it for 24 years for my future wife. Just a moment of happiness, i lost 24 years of my "saving"

After that, i started to seek for commerical sex from hatyai, Bangkok, Batam, JB, Geylang, KL, Ipoh. I did wear safety helemt, but nothing is 100% safe.

I had draft my Will, plan for my funeral and make all the necessary arrangment. Every Sex is a Game, at the end i would collect my result from DCS. + or - is heaven will, i blame no one. i chose this route myself.

i cannot control the length of my life but i could control the width of my life.

SEX really enlightened me to seek the truth of life in a different approach.

But before i leave this beautiful Earth, i hope i have enough time to put down my stories, experiences and theories for other to reference.

Time is also one of my greatest enemy, take care my dear friend

Good luck Bro
Good to hear you are quitting cheonging.
I have tried but it's very difficult.
It's like gambling, smoking , drinking or any other addiction.
If you do for years it is very difficult to quit.
I hope I can follow your example.
Many times I have tried to quit but it is not easy.
It is true , you get the shiok feeling when you cheong, but as you said, it can also bring suffering and pain.

[goodpartner]

Originally posted by Were Bear
i cannot control the length of my life but i could control the width of my life.

wah say! ....this is worth pondering over sia....

[Sorin^^]

Hi BTech and Were Bear Brudders,

Like you, i also suffered from guilt and disgust...Me too had diarhhoea and some other other symptons that i reckon are associated with HIV...

Have been to DSC for HIV check, though negative but still within window period...

The fears are overwhelming...too much for me to take it...sometimes i cry at night...do not know how and what to tell my family.

Like u brudder Btech, i know i cannot blame anyone...only myself for all these crap stuff...

I leave it to God and Heaven's will too...If it's time for me to go, i will go...And i will make sure i have done enough for my family by then if i'm gone...

A negative test does not mean much ...frankly..the things bout this is it's ability to show no signs during window ...and WHAM! Aids sets in a few years and get ready to die horribly ...scary sai

[goodpartner]

Originally posted by Repoman
A negative test does not mean much ...frankly..the things bout this is it's ability to show no signs during window ...and WHAM! Aids sets in a few years and get ready to die horribly ...scary sai

that's why i think those indulging in such risky activities should constantly get themselve tested, and not bluff oneself by trying to "escape" from the hard truth.

some bros may think that they rather not test themselve for fear of knowing the truth.... but the fact is that if tested +ve EARLY in the cycle, there are still chances that modern medications can prolong the life and perhaps prevent those AIDs symtoms appearing; or at least delay their occurance.

hopefully early treatments can give one another 10 years or so, where by then someone may finally find a cure or better treatment, etc....that's the only hope left I think. it was mentioned somewhere that the cure (or izit vaccine) for AIDS is about a decade away.....

[goodpartner]

Originally posted by tragicy
guess we're in the same boat.. jus had one encounter i wont forget for the rest of my life..slipped condom.. and thats not all..develop symtoms of herpes initially and now have symptoms of acute hiv..pain in the muscle bone etc. its only been one month and can't wait to be tested soon..but ive been calling the girl i bonk twice and shes still around so guess iam safe for now...i really regretful over the ordeal but wat was done has been done and cannot be undone...so no point crying over split millk ya?..idea of getting it is really overwhelming, wat am i going to tell me girlfriend and family? so my advice to those who never cheong, dun even start, u may say its only for one time..but u might get addicted and worst u might even get something even at the 1st time..theres always the 1st time..and no soul on this planet can guarantee you wont kena the 1st time....but if u really must, wear protection at all times even when having oral sex. now god bless myself, and rest of the brothers who are waiting to be tested. hope its not end of our story.....

bro, i got some "symptoms" during this window period too and boy was i worried. but my symtoms are so-called "soft stool" (which can be due to being stressed), weight lost (i discover now that my weight can actually vary 2-3kg within the day depending on when i weight myself!! morning juz woke up is the least, but after stomach full becomes normal....). so the point is that during this period, one tend to look into these little things and be paranoid...

but then again, from the sound of all your posts so far.... maybe u got some STDs (not HIV)... and still u should go hiv check since chances of catching HIV with other STD being present is higher.... sorry if this upset you but juz need to be real here.

Hi Were Bear,

What make you so pessimistic about your life ? Making Will and making arrangement for yourr funeral. Are you suffer from any depression or illness. Care to share your experience ?


Take care

Originally posted by Were Bear
Brother Btech,

First of all, congrat u, you had put down the box of condom and walk toward the light of enlightment. Feel for you.

As for me, i had lost my "first time" 2 years ago. I save it for 24 years for my future wife. Just a moment of happiness, i lost 24 years of my "saving"

After that, i started to seek for commerical sex from hatyai, Bangkok, Batam, JB, Geylang, KL, Ipoh. I did wear safety helemt, but nothing is 100% safe.

I had draft my Will, plan for my funeral and make all the necessary arrangment. Every Sex is a Game, at the end i would collect my result from DCS. + or - is heaven will, i blame no one. i chose this route myself.

i cannot control the length of my life but i could control the width of my life.

SEX really enlightened me to seek the truth of life in a different approach.

But before i leave this beautiful Earth, i hope i have enough time to put down my stories, experiences and theories for other to reference.

Time is also one of my greatest enemy, take care my dear friend

[opticum]

Originally posted by Keano3821
Hi Were Bear,

What make you so pessimistic about your life ? Making Will and making arrangement for yourr funeral. Are you suffer from any depression or illness. Care to share your experience ?

Take care

Yeah, be more care free and less Kia See.

Everything's fated!

Dear Brother Keano3821,

As i had mentioned, we could not control the length of our life but we could control the width of our life.

Why do i draft a will and plan my own funeral?

Everybody have to leave this world to another unknown place. I do not know when is my turn. I had drafted a will and safe keep in DBS safe deposit box (joint account with my mum). If it is a single account lot of red tapes need to be done before you can access a deceased account but if it is a joint account, any party could access.

In the Will, I had stated all my insurance polices no, credit cards no, bank account no, CPF, CDP, securities account no, shares holding, all my passwords and pin numbers.

And also a CDRW, which contains all my personnel important information, hp & pda backup data. Known as "cold site backup" in case my house is on fire or robbed. i still had a backup copy.

People are selfish, they planned for their birthday party, wedding party, graduation party. But they don't plan for their funeral. This is my funeral, i should responsible to plan for my own funeral, i had passed away, i do not wish to trouble my family running around hunting all my relevant document.

My parents will defintely burn big paper house, paper car, lots of paper $$$ for me. In my Will, i stated NO to all these, just burn some paper $$$ for me that is enough. Save the Earth, burn less papers, save some trees, reduce air pollution. I go to another place is to repay the sin i had done not to enjoy big house and big car. I told my parents if they against my will and insist to burn the paper house and paper car. i will not accept all these and give it to other who more need it. If they really want to buy the paper hse and car and burn it away, why don't donate the $$$ to the charity why burn it away.

Remember, we go to that place to "Repay" not "Enjoy". I had planned the things that need to be done when i passed away. I looked into the sky and told the Demon of Death. If my time is up, feel free to collect my life. Thank in advance, i am waiting for him. And i had well prepared for my own funeral.

I had other interesting stories such as My Cyber Funeral, The Demon of Death is my Friend & others title. i wander if anyone are interested with all these boring topics. This forum is for SEX. No one care about funeral or death.

The above article is from my point of view. if i had said anything wrong. Please forgive me. Lastly wish all of you have good health : ) take care my dear readers.

[HuGoBoSs21]

Originally posted by Were Bear
Dear Brother Keano3821,

As i had mentioned, we could not control the length of our life but we could control the width of our life.

Why do i draft a will and plan my own funeral?

Everybody have to leave this world to another unknown place. I do not know when is my turn. I had drafted a will and safe keep in DBS safe deposit box (joint account with my mum). If it is a single account lot of red tapes need to be done before you can access a deceased account but if it is a joint account, any party could access.

In the Will, I had stated all my insurance polices no, credit cards no, bank account no, CPF, CDP, securities account no, shares holding, all my passwords and pin numbers.

And also a CDRW, which contains all my personnel important information, hp & pda backup data. Known as "cold site backup" in case my house is on fire or robbed. i still had a backup copy.

People are selfish, they planned for their birthday party, wedding party, graduation party. But they don't plan for their funeral. This is my funeral, i should responsible to plan for my own funeral, i had passed away, i do not wish to trouble my family running around hunting all my relevant document.

My parents will defintely burn big paper house, paper car, lots of paper $$$ for me. In my Will, i stated NO to all these, just burn some paper $$$ for me that is enough. Save the Earth, burn less papers, save some trees, reduce air pollution. I go to another place is to repay the sin i had done not to enjoy big house and big car. I told my parents if they against my will and insist to burn the paper house and paper car. i will not accept all these and give it to other who more need it. If they really want to buy the paper hse and car and burn it away, why don't donate the $$$ to the charity why burn it away.

Remember, we go to that place to "Repay" not "Enjoy". I had planned the things that need to be done when i passed away. I looked into the sky and told the Demon of Death. If my time is up, feel free to collect my life. Thank in advance, i am waiting for him. And i had well prepared for my own funeral.

I had other interesting stories such as My Cyber Funeral, The Demon of Death is my Friend & others title. i wander if anyone are interested with all these boring topics. This forum is for SEX. No one care about funeral or death.

The above article is from my point of view. if i had said anything wrong. Please forgive me. Lastly wish all of you have good health : ) take care my dear readers.

Very well written. And indeed very meaningfull. But why don't do more good then harm now so you can repay less sins when u go to another world? I believe every man wants to make his life worth while. Be true to your heart and do what you think it's right with a concious. I always believed behind the actions are the consequences. So if you choose to fuck around, be prepared. If you think you cannot bear the consequences, DON'T DO IT. Be true to yourself and have a clear concious. Wear Bear, i totally agree that we could determine the widths of our lives. To Btech, wonderful sharing you had down there. All the best and I feel very happy for you. To the rest of the bros, life is damn fucking short. Play hard but please, every action commited has consequences attached to it. Live life to the fullest. Cheers