need advise from bros

[loadarcher]

need some friendly advise from bros, please don't flame me, I have been married for many years and have kids but have found that I only feel kinship towards her...tried talking to her about it and her reaction was a bit suicidal...then i was scared of her harming herself and the kids so I went back to normal...

What can I do to say that I really want out? I feel that I'm wearing a mask everyday so that other peoples lives are happy when I'm not happy with my own life...

I'm only in my 30s and just feel that life should not be like this...

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by loadarcher

need some friendly advise from bros,

Should be "need some friendly ADVICE....'.

"Advise" is a verb.

My advice is to do what you need to do.

[joew2005]

Originally Posted by loadarcher

need some friendly advise from bros, please don't flame me, I have been married for many years and have kids but have found that I only feel kinship towards her...tried talking to her about it and her reaction was a bit suicidal...then i was scared of her harming herself and the kids so I went back to normal...

What can I do to say that I really want out? I feel that I'm wearing a mask everyday so that other peoples lives are happy when I'm not happy with my own life...

I'm only in my 30s and just feel that life should not be like this...

Be responsible 2 yr family !!

[jasdude]

BRO , you have children . think of them first . its difficult and selfish to push away your responsibility towards your children . secondly , think hard why you married your wife in the first place . there was love WAS . try to rekindle it . talk to her , take a break and a vacation with her . you may even consider professional marriage counseling .

[leecs]

You have another 1 outside???????

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Foreword: Please do not see my post as a flame

TS,

Q1) Why did you get married in the 1st place?

Q2) Is that the reason you been asking for contacts and pm in your previous 5 postings in this forum (this is your 6th post in this forum)?

Q3) How long has it been without sex or lack of intimacy?

[fazer6s]

Originally Posted by loadarcher

need some friendly advise from bros, please don't flame me, I have been married for many years and have kids but have found that I only feel kinship towards her...tried talking to her about it and her reaction was a bit suicidal...then i was scared of her harming herself and the kids so I went back to normal...

What can I do to say that I really want out? I feel that I'm wearing a mask everyday so that other peoples lives are happy when I'm not happy with my own life...

I'm only in my 30s and just feel that life should not be like this...

Firstly your priorities and responsiblitity would have already shifted to your family and not to yourself. Do not just abandon ship

So what do you think it should be - thats the question you have to b asking yourself.

Good luck !

[TechnoKid]

i totally agree to what all the bros here...there was always love in the first place but as time go by the flame of love dimmed...u should relight it and make the sparks relive again.Always remember what u did and be fair to the childrens. bros with power pls do upz me i new and i cant return u a favour as for now but i will do it when i can.thanks

[Lust4ML]

Originally Posted by loadarcher

need some friendly advise from bros, please don't flame me, I have been married for many years and have kids but have found that I only feel kinship towards her...tried talking to her about it and her reaction was a bit suicidal...then i was scared of her harming herself and the kids so I went back to normal...

What can I do to say that I really want out? I feel that I'm wearing a mask everyday so that other peoples lives are happy when I'm not happy with my own life...

I'm only in my 30s and just feel that life should not be like this...

since u taken decision to marry her, and already have kids.

You should be responsible to this marriage and your children too

You can't expect marriage is full of love all the time

[RealEstateGuy]

Originally Posted by loadarcher

need some friendly advise from bros, please don't flame me, I have been married for many years and have kids but have found that I only feel kinship towards her...tried talking to her about it and her reaction was a bit suicidal...then i was scared of her harming herself and the kids so I went back to normal...

What can I do to say that I really want out? I feel that I'm wearing a mask everyday so that other peoples lives are happy when I'm not happy with my own life...

I'm only in my 30s and just feel that life should not be like this...

Brother, take responsibility for your actions. You need to step up and be a man instead of an azzhole. How do you know she doesn't find you to be a slob with small dick and unattractive now compared to when you married? How do you know she doesn't want out too but stays for the kids and to constinue to assume her responsibility. Brother, you seem like a really selfish man. This is against the wants and goals and expectations of modern SG society. Are you Chinese?

[colins]

Originally Posted by loadarcher

need some friendly advise from bros, please don't flame me, I have been married for many years and have kids but have found that I only feel kinship towards her...tried talking to her about it and her reaction was a bit suicidal...then i was scared of her harming herself and the kids so I went back to normal...

What can I do to say that I really want out? I feel that I'm wearing a mask everyday so that other peoples lives are happy when I'm not happy with my own life...

I'm only in my 30s and just feel that life should not be like this...

Hi friend, let's look at it this way. All relationships got stages, a marriage in particular is a relationship that starts off defining 'love' as passionate, physical, expressive, explosive, fun, engaging and clinging, then progress to define 'love' as companionship, stable, responsibilities and stewardship.

BUT it does not mean that the later stages in a marriage must be uninteresting, boring, avoiding or over-committing. I have seen fathers who take great interest in making his responsibility fun and engaging. And then I have also seen fathers who are only vaguely aware of some little people running around the house. The thing is, if you do not address this question on WHAT DO YOU WANT IN LIFE, you will not be mentally engaged in your marriage life and for that matter, your entire fucking life as well.

Sometimes, we may perceive responsibility as a tough role and if we do not dig into ourselves to understand why we are responsibility-adversed, the tendency is that we will just avoid it. Avoid until cannot avoid then we will start to feel pain. Pain until cannot tahan then we will give up. Then of cos, in between is the fear that you will lose everything at one go. Maybe as an exercise you can do the following:

1. Write down what interest you in life.
2. List down in point form, the things you absolutely hate in your marriage life.
3. List down in point form, the things you like about your marriage life.
4. Under the things you absolute hate, put a tick besides the things that you can control and put a circle around the things you can't.
5. Do the same tick and circle around the things you like.

Now you should have a list of things you hate and things you like about marriage life. First correlate the things you like with the things that interest you in life (in no.1), find out which are those that you can really control. Work out a plan to increase those things that you have interest in and those that you like in marriage life, accept those points that are not within your control.

For the list of points that you absolute hate in your marriage life, ask yourself the questions,

a. who cause it?
b. who wants it?
c. who owns it?

The answer for a. will tell you that where to look for solution. The answer for b. will tell you who to convince to solve the problem. The answer for c. will tell you who is the final beneficiary of the solution.

Oh yeah, for those points that you absolute hate, do check your own role models in life to see if you have suffered from a deficiency in role model qualities. Our role model communicates with us very early in our lives and we learn from their ACTIONS, not words (unless it is like threats or verbal abuse, those would be considered as an action). Think about instances where your role model 'communicates' with you. If what you feel is fear, dislike or even hatred, then you tend to be adverse thinking, preferring to tell people what you dun like (i.e. life should not be like this) instead of having the ability to KNOW exactly what you like.

Such exercise need to be done privately and seriously if you want a change in your life. What is, say, 2-3 days compared to a lifetime of happier days? I have a close friend who did such an exercise for many times repeatedly for 2 weeks until he is completely sure of his decision. He moved into another city, changed his lifestyle and relationship with his wife and made many decisions about which friends to keep and which to lose. Much happier person now. I got some of the above from him.

Hope this helps.

[alan0338]

just another guy lanjiao itchy liao

[RealEstateGuy]

Originally Posted by colins

Hi friend, let's look at it this way. All relationships got stages, a marriage in particular is a relationship that starts off defining 'love' as passionate, physical, expressive, explosive, fun, engaging and clinging, then progress to define 'love' as companionship, stable, responsibilities and stewardship.

BUT it does not mean that the later stages in a marriage must be uninteresting, boring, avoiding or over-committing. I have seen fathers who take great interest in making his responsibility fun and engaging. And then I have also seen fathers who are only vaguely aware of some little people running around the house. The thing is, if you do not address this question on WHAT DO YOU WANT IN LIFE, you will not be mentally engaged in your marriage life and for that matter, your entire fucking life as well.

Sometimes, we may perceive responsibility as a tough role and if we do not dig into ourselves to understand why we are responsibility-adversed, the tendency is that we will just avoid it. Avoid until cannot avoid then we will start to feel pain. Pain until cannot tahan then we will give up. Then of cos, in between is the fear that you will lose everything at one go. Maybe as an exercise you can do the following:

1. Write down what interest you in life.
2. List down in point form, the things you absolutely hate in your marriage life.
3. List down in point form, the things you like about your marriage life.
4. Under the things you absolute hate, put a tick besides the things that you can control and put a circle around the things you can't.
5. Do the same tick and circle around the things you like.

Now you should have a list of things you hate and things you like about marriage life. First correlate the things you like with the things that interest you in life (in no.1), find out which are those that you can really control. Work out a plan to increase those things that you have interest in and those that you like in marriage life, accept those points that are not within your control.

For the list of points that you absolute hate in your marriage life, ask yourself the questions,

a. who cause it?
b. who wants it?
c. who owns it?

The answer for a. will tell you that where to look for solution. The answer for b. will tell you who to convince to solve the problem. The answer for c. will tell you who is the final beneficiary of the solution.

Oh yeah, for those points that you absolute hate, do check your own role models in life to see if you have suffered from a deficiency in role model qualities. Our role model communicates with us very early in our lives and we learn from their ACTIONS, not words (unless it is like threats or verbal abuse, those would be considered as an action). Think about instances where your role model 'communicates' with you. If what you feel is fear, dislike or even hatred, then you tend to be adverse thinking, preferring to tell people what you dun like (i.e. life should not be like this) instead of having the ability to KNOW exactly what you like.

Such exercise need to be done privately and seriously if you want a change in your life. What is, say, 2-3 days compared to a lifetime of happier days? I have a close friend who did such an exercise for many times repeatedly for 2 weeks until he is completely sure of his decision. He moved into another city, changed his lifestyle and relationship with his wife and made many decisions about which friends to keep and which to lose. Much happier person now. I got some of the above from him.

Hope this helps.

Brother, your analysis strategy is great but its desinged for university graduates. The OP just saying wife is no longer sexy and he cant get it up when he sees her.

[sheerfun1977]

Loadarcher,

I can understand your predicament...in fact, many men do...if u find a soul mate, good for you but understand that ur wife and ur children are ur priority...the rest have to come later...PM me if you are still feeling down. Can be your listening ear..guess it s hard to tell this kinda thing to friends who can sometimes be rather unkind to such situations which can be very real...