A woman's woes

missdawnie · #1 29-04-2012, 12:14 PM

Before anyone start to question whats my intention of this post, I just want to say that I'm sharing and trying to get advice here. As a lady, I'd like to get some feedback or ideas from men and get a different perspective of the situation I'm in now. Thank you !

I've been married to my husband for less than a year now after dating for about 4 years or so. We used to be very sexually active in the beginning of our relationship and somehow or rather, it slowly died off and we would not have sex for as long as 2-3 months. That didn't bother me much because we would be busy with our work and when we're home, we're deadbeat. Recently, I started coming back to read SBF as I have not logged in for the longest time and realized that I've been too sexually inactive. So I start initiating have intimate time with him. He brushed me off saying that he's tired from work and wants to sleep, which of course made me pretty upset..and I tried asking again for the second day in a row, same excuse.

It then came to the weekends, where I'll stay in the bedroom and he would assume that I'm sleeping.. so he'll only come into the bedroom from the living room after a good 1-1.5hrs.. only to find me still awake, and asked causally why I'm still not asleep and with that, flipped over to his side and start snoring.

I really can't understand. He was always the one who initiated because I'm shy most of the time or just didn't have the mood to. But his actions make me feel bad, unattractive and sexually unappealing to him(Not looking for any comfort here). I'm not taking into considerate that he's having an affair as he has never, ever done anything that make me doubt him through out our courtship years and marriage. He's a great men and husband.. but I just don't know how to handle this as I have my needs to and I can't stand going to bed feeling lonely and having precum flow down to my undies.

I did try to sell him the idea of having toys during our intimate time but he's rather conservative about sex and feels that sex should be about making love, and not focus so much about the pleasure involved. The situation's getting so bad there was this random thought of me just getting a FB and all issues would be resolved. I'd be happily married and be sexually satisfied. But I can't afford to give this marriage up. I don't know what to do ):

hello420 · #2 29-04-2012, 12:21 PM

By nature a man is made to mount as many women as possible to spread his seed as far as possible. Its natural that he loses interest in a woman after sometime to go out an hunt for another one. The concept of marriage an sticking to one woman is triumph of man against his basic nature. Its a miracle.

sgsingle · #3 29-04-2012, 12:27 PM

Try taking a short romantic trip together like over the weekends. Go somewhere where there is absolutely nothing to do except staying in the room and the rest will be up to you.

Good luck...

whitecat · #4 29-04-2012, 12:32 PM

Sister,

Is he cheating behind your back? There is a chinese old wisdom. Men sex drives is influence by age. 20 year ago , generally is 2 days every shot . 30 year old is 3 day per shot and so on... Or sometime he could be too stress up and lost interest.

Speaking from experience, sometime I get be so stress up by work, I can't do it at all, after a few incidents, I make sure i bang it out before i get too stress up. And since then, sex has become a way for me to distress.

Have a good talk with him or you should I initital the sex, you can always bang him for a start. I think it is very important to have sex regularly for married couple . Hope this not straight idea help.

chanwil007 · #5 29-04-2012, 12:34 PM

may be you should tell me about how you feel? I too have been with my GF for 5 years lo and the past few years have been quiet sad.... not much happy ending we evening planing to get married soon but then we all have our needs... just sad that she does not have the drive for sex as much as I do... people do change la so really could be work that's why he always has no mood for it, or why try spicing things up may be try talking to him about swinging or 3 some??

all the best to you,

by the way if you really want to eat outside is just be careful don't get caught by friends or faimly la...

missdawnie · #6 29-04-2012, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sgsingle

Try taking a short romantic trip together like over the weekends. Go somewhere where there is absolutely nothing to do except staying in the room and the rest will be up to you.

Good luck...

But we can't keep going for holidays as well. I know where you're coming from and I'm hoping this'a just a phase we're going through.

missdawnie · #7 29-04-2012, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whitecat

Sister,

Is he cheating behind your back? There is a chinese old wisdom. Men sex drives is influence by age. 20 year ago , generally is 2 days every shot . 30 year old is 3 day per shot and so on... Or sometime he could be too stress up and lost interest.

Speaking from experience, sometime I get be so stress up by work, I can't do it at all, after a few incidents, I make sure i bang it out before i get too stress up. And since then, sex has become a way for me to distress.

Have a good talk with him or you should I initital the sex, you can always bang him for a start. I think it is very important to have sex regularly for married couple . Hope this not straight idea help.

He's rather conservative and thinks if there's the mood, then it'll come naturally. But the fact of me initiating and he brushing me off like that turns me off. I mean.. How many times you want me to try, right?

missdawnie · #8 29-04-2012, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chanwil007

may be you should tell me about how you feel? I too have been with my GF for 5 years lo and the past few years have been quiet sad.... not much happy ending we evening planing to get married soon but then we all have our needs... just sad that she does not have the drive for sex as much as I do... people do change la so really could be work that's why he always has no mood for it, or why try spicing things up may be try talking to him about swinging or 3 some??

all the best to you,

by the way if you really want to eat outside is just be careful don't get caught by friends or faimly la...

The last time round I tried to convince the thought of toys he threw a tantrum and say its not like as if he's patrionzing prostitues, why is there a need to spice things up. That comment made me feel damn offended.

whitecat · #9 29-04-2012, 12:48 PM

I think you need to get to the root of the issue. For marriages to work, both party must be willing committed. As a married man, who is happy married and still "eat " outside some time, it could be one of the reasons:

1) he is cheating, he has enough.
2) the work and other stress is too much
3) he is sufferings from Ed and he can't discuss with you
4) or may be he prefer DIY or massage or Hj over the bang

My 2 cents view, we man is mostly sex animal . We can bang and without emotion attach . And most man will go crazy if without sex for too long. So if he is not banging you for a long period of time ( asia standard) tend to be at least once a month, also depending on both your age. in short we man must let go else will have over flow issue.

I hope the above enlighten you . I suggest you also look into tantric massage and find out why some men will prefer ths over the bang .

chanwil007 · #10 29-04-2012, 12:52 PM

as what whitecat says is quite ture.... think there might be some thing fish with him...

if not you can try finding a FB lo....

Quote:

Originally Posted by whitecat

I think you need to get to the root of the issue. For marriages to work, both party must be willing committed. As a married man, who is happy married and still "eat " outside some time, it could be one of the reasons:

1) he is cheating, he has enough.
2) the work and other stress is too much
3) he is sufferings from Ed and he can't discuss with you
4) or may be he prefer DIY or massage or Hj over the bang

My 2 cents view, we man is mostly sex animal . We can bang and without emotion attach . And most man will go crazy if without sex for too long. So if he is not banging you for a long period of time ( asia standard) tend to be at least once a month, also depending on both your age. in short we man must let go else will have over flow issue.

I hope the above enlighten you . I suggest you also look into tantric massage and find out why some men will prefer ths over the bang .

whitecat · #11 29-04-2012, 12:58 PM

Well, if you still value the marriage, don't go for fb. As sg is so small , some how some where we are all connected to some one. Do you recognize all the guest attended your wedding ? I guess not. If you have need I suggest you buy toys and learn how to do it yourself until you are clear of your next move. Especially you still don't have an children yet ( I guess ) with children in the equation , it will get complicated . Two wrong don't equal to one right .

kensheeh89 · #12 29-04-2012, 01:00 PM

hmm sis... its probably due to the stress levels in work... maybe probably u shld give him a massage on the shoulders and back first... instead of str askin for sex... cook smth he likes and den probably just watch a show on tv tgt before cuddlin up to him by his side... before u start ur moves... it may lighten up the mood more wif arromatic candles and a gd bath...

i guess if i was ur hubby and u did all tt for me.. i think i would be turned on as well

hope this advice came in handy

nuclearkid · #13 29-04-2012, 01:02 PM

How well are you both communicating? It sounds cliche but like minded couples who do things together are likely to be more intimate. If you both spend much time separately, have separate friends that you both hang out with separately and regularly, do your own things while at home and have other distractions, it does not bode well.

And yes, how you look like matters too. There are women who totally let go after a few years of marriage (or pregnancy but that does not apply here) and never stop to wonder why the wolf whistles have quietened considerably.

Your problem is well discussed in this thread called 'Wife & Sex - going through the motion'.

copper · #14 29-04-2012, 01:19 PM

A pleasure we do out of love for the other person,we our sharing the sexual experiment with when the innocent become the intimate. In our culture it seems ‘healthy’ or ‘normal’ when women desire sex as a means to emotional intimacy. But no one believes that a woman could struggle with the purely physical. So, you are going ahead to put this blog out there just in case it might be an encouragement. This struggle has provided for you the biggest challenge and deepest ‘suffering’ of singleness..What have other women done in similar situations? We would like to hear others' stories...because we are interested and because as most of us know, it can be so valuable to hear someone else's similar stories and how they decide to "deal" with something, or not.
Thanks for reading, thanks for listening.

Giken · #15 29-04-2012, 02:19 PM

Hey, I truly understand how u feel but bear this in mind. Finding urself a fb is to cure ur needs but not a solution to solve the problem. At the end 1 problem not solve and yet create another problem. Trying bringing it out as a open topic to talk it over a glass drinks with ur hubby at home in the night. If not than try not to go straight to the point to ask for sex. Try different move.. For example if he always say he is tired after a long day of work, try to bath him in the shower than move on frm there. I m not sure will it works but no harm giving a try. Anyway u know ur hubby the best more anyone of us here.