The best adult jokes contest through cellphone texts/smses in U.S.A.

[ah rat]

Grand Prize USD50,000.00
1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know dear?"
Girl replied "Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."

First Prize USD25,000.00
(2) Immigrant Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick.."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later, immigrant Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."


10 Consolation Prize USD10,000.00 each
(3) After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock.
Husband asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Wife replied: "No dear, I just admiring your cock.. I used to have one before."

(4) Women's lives are hard. Morning, wash clothes. Noon, hang clothes. Evening, keep clothes. Nite, iron clothes. Midnight, take off clothes. After midnight, find clothes. And in the morning, wash clothes.......

(5) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass: "Anyone got a cock?" All men rose. "
I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.

(6) A woman's husband died and she had him cremated. She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said "Sweetheart, this is my last blow job for you."

(7) Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl, you will get one.."
Girl: "But mom, what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many, dear!"

(8) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you USD3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra, Panties, Everything."

(9) Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."

(10) Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
Ist: "I ' m somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close-by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."

(11) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a penis.
This is because it can be lifted up even by just a simple thought

[power88]

The no1 Grand prize joke is really not Bad
Let me contribute too on this thread, just copy from my last thread contribution

I was having a pub gathering with 2 of my forgeiner friends. We were drinking till wee hours and getting almost high and drunk. Our conversation start to drift to some boosting abt sex performance.

My first friend from America ran to the stage and shouted loud on the mic :' I have a nine inch long cock and can make a gal have multiple organism during 1 hour sex'
Half of the pub ppls started to applaud or whining or boo-ing away..

My second friend from Africa also ran up the stage and spoke on the mic: 'I have a Perfect ten inch long cock and can make myself cum multiple times. My record is 6 times in 1 hour and my nickname is Duracel non-stop action!
Most of the ppls in the pub also applaud loudly and cheering away..

Ok my turn, being a typical Singapor Lang cannot lose out and kiasu..
I spoke soundly to the ppl: ' I only got a 6 inch long cock, and i only need to take out my pant, the gals will shiver and ran away..
with that, I proudly take out my cloth and pant to show them.

With a tattoo showing on my belly : I will FINE YoU If you make me Cum

[forgetmenot]

Originally Posted by ah rat

(4) Women's lives are hard. Morning, wash clothes. Noon, hang clothes. Evening, keep clothes. Nite, iron clothes. Midnight, take off clothes. After midnight, find clothes. And in the morning, wash clothes.......

(5) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass: "Anyone got a cock?" All men rose. "
I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.

I got weird sense of humor, so i found this 2 funny, (5) especially. The priest's not simple....

And midnight take off clothes, LOL!

[tan-tan]

Originally Posted by ah rat

(10) Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
Ist: "I ' m somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close-by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."

3rd: "Damn! No signal and I'm stuck in a pile of shit!"