bros..need advise here

[novaboy]

hi bros...
looking for some advise here.
this is my story now.

me - married with 2 kids for 15 years.
somehow the marriage broke down about 5 years ago.
partially my bad + her over control natural(maybe some bros been though this too.)

we try to work it out but each time ended up arging and shouting at each other.

i left home 1.5 years to work oversea. somehow it help in the relationship. but the love factor is lost.. we are more like 2 indvidual adults with kids.

here come the love factor... i falling in love again.
and is seriously considering to settle down here with her. we meet her parents and they approve of me.

but in other world. i am still married with my wife.
how do i proceed from here. i have read though the divocie act many time.. its confusing at times. so seek advise from bros out there.

not here for points or others. just need a word of advise here..

thanks a million in advances.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by novaboy

hi bros...
looking for some advise here.
t its confusing at times. so seek advise from bros out there.

not here for points or others. just need a word of advise here..

thanks a million in advances.

You should use the noun "advice" and not the verb "advise" in all the instances above and also in the thread title.

Remember "advise" is a verb and "advice" is a noun.

As for you love life I suggest you forget about all this lovey dovey stuff and concentrate on your career and your finances instead.

[bunnyrabbit]

Hey bro.. u sure u wanna go thru the whole shit again with yr new gal? all woman are the same.. didn't u leran that in your 15 yrs of marriage?

[tuaNehBu]

Originally Posted by bunnyrabbit

Hey bro.. u sure u wanna go thru the whole shit again with yr new gal? all woman are the same.. didn't u leran that in your 15 yrs of marriage?

agreed.... TS ... not worth to get married again... anyway... marriage is just a piece of paper !!!

[<<totally>>]

Originally Posted by novaboy

i left home 1.5 years to work oversea. somehow it help in the relationship. but the love factor is lost.. we are more like 2 indvidual adults with kids.

No one will know your own situation just as good as you. You did know why your current marriage need a full stop.

Originally Posted by novaboy

here come the love factor... i falling in love again.

This is a misleading phrase in your life. It is due to the failure of your current marriage that any warmth from another party will make you feel in love.

The new found love might be hiding any rekindled love from your wife as you are not likely to see for you are disillusion.

Sit down and rethink everything. Do you feel for your kids? It's worth to retry things with your wife just for the kids?

Originally Posted by novaboy

how do i proceed from here. i have read though the divorce act many time.. its confusing at times.

I believed many bros here will be helpful enough. The best is whatever portion of the act you are unsure of, quote and affixed your related question. Just make sure your question are precise and straight to the point.

[Max77]

almost everybody change. eat here eat there all the same.

maybe its time u gave up what u want and fulfil what others want..like a loving father

be positive, ur wife might gonna stroke soon and at least u got ur kids with u

[Bebeque]

So easy to just say 'divorce' and find ways to have it done. Easier done than to undo the damages later on.

TS, think of your kids as they will be the ones who will suffer. especially if they are still young.

Unless things are really so bad between you and your wife, there is always a ray of hope to work out a more cordial relationship, which, if both can manage well will lead towards a revival of your loving relationship with each other.

Your 'second love' aside, have you considered going for family counselling with your wife first? Things will be better if both of you are willing to try.

Also, consider, even if you want a divorce, you wife may not want to. Things between both of you and your kids can get messy, complicated and long drawn out which is emotionally draining for one and all.

Suggest you think through again what you want, what your wife wants and what your kids want, before doing anything else like running towards a divorce lawyer.

Cheers.

[<<totally>>]

我只劝合不劝离，只要坚守着，事情一定会好转。我相信地方站久就是你的道理。

[shiokpleasure]

if you really wanna divorce, i suggest you just run away for good. don't even bother to contact your family in singapore.

i don't think your kids bother or matter to you anymore anyway. so running away is a good solution.

that way, your wife remains clueless about your situation. and you don't have to answer her any longer. you can go about your own life and marry the other woman in your life now.

but never go back singapore hor. never even give any contact to your friends or family. just break and severe all ties and relationships. also close your facebook account.

boleh?

[Blast88]

Originally Posted by novaboy

hi bros...
looking for some advise here.
this is my story now.

me - married with 2 kids for 15 years.
somehow the marriage broke down about 5 years ago.
partially my bad + her over control natural(maybe some bros been though this too.)

we try to work it out but each time ended up arging and shouting at each other.

i left home 1.5 years to work oversea. somehow it help in the relationship. but the love factor is lost.. we are more like 2 indvidual adults with kids.

here come the love factor... i falling in love again.
and is seriously considering to settle down here with her. we meet her parents and they approve of me.

but in other world. i am still married with my wife.
how do i proceed from here. i have read though the divocie act many time.. its confusing at times. so seek advise from bros out there.

not here for points or others. just need a word of advise here..

thanks a million in advances.

TS, mind to share where does your 'her' from

[Austere]

Singapore leh, Women Charter leh.

Divorce liao you pay your ex wife to sleep with another men..... jitao make no sense. Seriously Not worth it to even divorce, and please dont marry again.

100% /2 = 50% (Divorce) 50%/2 = 25% (Divorce again). Dont let your hard earned money go away.

First, Got children anot? If got children, You tell her, since we dont really love each other, Go ahead and find your true love. But stay married for the children. This way, you save your children and your money and have the women you love stay with you outside.

If no children, by all means, divorce if you dont mind paying her. If you do, Just dont get married with the other women.

Marriage for Singapore Men is digging your own grave. You are putting your fate in the Woman.

Alot of men and women, are not divorced in USA, but are having new love relationships. They stay together for the children. Once children 18 They Split.
I advise you, once 18 you better keep your money properly, siam the Women charter 50% asset give the woman


THE BEST ENDING is this la : You marry "2nd" wife, bring the woman into your house and stay with your current wife. This only works if your First wife dont mind and completely Depend on you.

[novaboy]

lol... thank bros for the advises...
well... i am not good at english.
somemore thinking how to write the story correctly.

me and my wife have done the 1 year couselling already... inital 3 months was fine... but we just went back to the old way of shouting and word fights.

that y i chosse to leave singapore and worksea.
this 3 years been peacefully... we even talk normally like adults... maybe its just the sight that irks us off...lol.

i have thot of the runnning away but i just couldnt... with 2 kid, my mom, and my 2 younger brothers.. its a bit hard for me.

the new lady is from Java, rich land owner's eldest daughter(26) - part time modeling in jkt, where i got to know her in a trade show 6 months back. somehow we click~love at 1st side? and here we are living in jkt together in my apartment. she been very nice to me, dont seem fake, introducting me as her BF inital to her friends, but after the parent meeting...she start to call me hubby. she told most of her friends too.

i been around jkt playground for sometime. carefull of all the lies gals use here... but from the past 6 months, she dont seem to be playing around with me..
she is rich... i mean rich... her parents live in a 50 by 50 m house with 12 rooms and 4 servents. so case of cheat me of my money is a bit out of the question.
i am not young(37) or handsome, working class manager in oil field industry. True love? only we can tell.

i know some bro will call me stupid or faithless...
somehow... my current marriage has fail...
God have given me a second chance at life again...

i am not defending myself. but just want to know the step that i can take to move on.

thanks for the advises given.

[Austere]

God did not give you a second chance. You yourself did.....

God will not want to see your children cry, because your marriage fail.

I come from a broken family when I was young, I can tell you.... it has great impact on your children.

You want to pursue true love........ show true love to your children.

I suggest you go back to your wife.

The Java Girl is 26, when she is 37, the same shit will most probably happen. And besides, What makes you think this marriage will work if the previous one didnt.

[owl888]

If your wife to be is so rich I presume money is not the top concern. Also, since u will b in Jkt most of the time then u got no time for your children. In most divorce cases, its about $$$ and children, maybe i can draw conclusion u can make a decision very easily

[lossou]

My marriage is also in a bad shape at the moment. My wife had turned to a total stranger for the last 2 years. She lives in separate room under the same room. Had been pulling a long face always and talked nasty to me. But, for the children sake and for knowing she is lost in another world at the moment, I pressed on.

I hope you can do the same for your children too. What many other bros said here are very true. They're more starightforward than me. But, they really made the points. It's true that the same mistakes you made in the first marriage can repeat itself in the second one unless you realised it and mended yourself.

Imagine if the Indo girl knows about your past, how would she react?

Your children are innocent. You owe it to them to be the best model dad you could. You'd brought them into this world. It's your responsibility to give them a complete home. Many a times I was like you wanting to have new life/love. But, I kept reminding myself, I must hang on till the last. I must not give up. Though my wife's attitude is very bad towards me, I never give up. I believe I will see the light eventually. Just mind you, I'm not a weak person being pushed around by my wife. In fact, i was the more dominating party in the marriage before this. I just want her to know that I truly love her and I'll do everything I could to keep this family intact.

Just sharing my thought. You have to decide yourself. But, in any case, always bring your kids into the equation before you make the final decision.