My dark side ...

[omg3344]

i decided to pen this down as i dont have anyone to confide in. I have small if not non existent social circle. My family is not the typical happy family u seen in tv. I am in no contact with my relatives because of my family issue.

Technically speaking i am a loner. Everyday was like routine ; wake up, go to work and back home. I am renting a room outside because of my family situation.

I am have been chionging health centre and fl scene since 10 years ago. Few year back i would frequent the HC on avg 4 times a month...to kill my lonliness. i dont have hobby and frens. So that might consider my leisure.

Over the years...i have been in and out of relationships few times. Things dont work out for many reasons. Everytime i thought i have found a girl who can accept me and my family situation ...it failed.

The last relationship i had was with a china girl. She married to a singaporean but marriage had problem hence moved out. I cohabit with her for few months. In order to file a divorce, she need to cancel her ltvp and return to china. After she returned to china, problems surfaced between both of us and we separated. It was an heart wrenching period for me. I sunk into depression. Actually i had depression all along. But this episode just aggravate my condition. I did seek help few years back but didnt persist with the treatment.

My work wasnt smooth either. I am with a hypocrite boss who find opportunity to put me down. He is notorious in the organization for being a nasty and difficult person to work with, having 6 deputies changed during his 12 year`s period there. I am his seventh and i am coming to 2.5 years here.

I went to a mental down spiral. I visited fl again. Over a few encounters i even did not wear protection. I was scared but the thrill and the mental state i am in prevent me from thinking rationally. I had unprotected sex with 3 china fl and 2 viet fl during these period. This is on top of the other protected encounter that i had. I was scared. I told myself i should have a grip of myself if not noone can help me. If u ask me ...dont i worried about getting diseased. I am. But i just couldnt explain why i did all these.

Just as i thought that i had enough, certain incident that happen in the workplace trigger my depression again. I searched wechat for fun. End up knowing a viet fl who was on holiday. We went to drink and hotel followed after. Initially i wore protection. But i cannot finish the job. Hence i did the foolish thing of rawing her.

To think i will stop...it didnt.. it seems all hell break loose. I raw a china fl after going to club last week. I dont know what i have become. I feel i am a disgrace to my mom who had brought me up painstakingly working as a factory worker for so many years.

I am really at a lost now...

[larue]

Your behavior is definitely self-destructive and I think you know you need help.

Persist with your treatment, it doesn't help unless you follow through with it until you're in better shape to help yourself.

[lasupkia]

This first thing you must know is you are not the only one trapped in this situation. Many others have succeeded in getting help and changing their lives around.

The most important thing is your life. Not your job or the FLs. Call up SOS hotline and talk about your problems. Take the first step to search for the hotline number. You have to help yourself.

[jinwuseh]

TS,

You are not alone. I am very stressful as well.

For 22 years of working on and off encounter lan jiao people giving problem.

I have being given lower bonus all these years. Pay is almost coming to ceiling liao.

No car rely on electric assist bicycle to work risking my safety.

Not enough money to comfortably retire at 55 must stretch my head to make saving from sources outside income.

Life is never easy. Be happy and don't cheong don't drink don't gamble.

[zanketon]

hey bro,

If you don help yourself, there is no one else that can help you...

[lasupkia]

Originally Posted by jinwuseh

.....

Life is never easy. Be happy and don't cheong don't drink don't gamble.

Don't cheong, drink or gamble? Too extreme la. Become monk.
Cut down to 5-10% of income is ok for a little entertainment.

[jinwuseh]

Not really lah!

Originally Posted by lasupkia

Don't cheong, drink or gamble? Too extreme la. Become monk.

[Dark Side]

Bro omg3344.

I think the other bros here have given good advice
and I would like to add to them.

1) Yr sex life. This is a sex forum,
so no one here has the right to judge u abt yr lifestyle.
We all have our fair share of FL, WL, ML, OL,
Whatever-L, escort, KTV girl, neighbour, dog, etc.

BUT. Always be safe, bro.
Wear protection from now onwards.
For your own sake, and for others' sake.
You don't want to get AIDS.
I have a friend who got AIDS, so bro,
you just have to trust me on this, cos I know.
AIDS is not a joke.
If u think yr life is rock bottom
and can't become any worse,
u may want to think again.
AIDS will drill a hole for u to enter 18th hell.
I can promise u that.

Go DSC for a check-up in a few months' time,
and cross yr fingers.
And once u know r safe, continue to be safe.
Do raw only if u trust the girl enough,
when she honestly tells u she doesn't mess around.

2) Your job. Your boss sounds like a bastard.
It seems that yr job is the main factor which aggravated
yr recent increase in cheonging.

2 things for u to consider.
One. If his reputation is bad enough,
you may want to take action.
Strike b4 he does. Garner political support
to find a way to get rid of him.
U mention u r a loner. That's the problem.
If everyone is like u and don't speak up against him
even tho all know that he is a chee bye kia,
how long are all of u going to suffer under his hands?

Two. If the above is impossible because he has strong
political 'backing' ie he know how to suck the cock of
the CEOs and other big shots up there,
it's time for u to channel yr energy
into finding a job elsewhere.

3) Yr depression. I am not saying medication
does not help. I am saying that medication
can only help u to that much extent.
You've got to find a way to stay positive bro.
Most jobs suck. Unless u r one of those talented few
who get paid a lot to do what they really love to do,
the rest of us just have to bite the bullet
to endure those few chee bye kias in the office.
You are not alone bro.
Adopt a religion. Pray.
Find a cheaper and safer hobby that u can indulge in.
I know porn and masturbation can only satisfy
that much, and sooner or later u will want
to go for the real thing, but maybe it's better
to be contented with what u have.
Think abt it.
Some people don't even have porn to masturbate to.

That's all I can think of for now. Too long alr anyway.

Hope this helps and good luck bro ...

[BrightDay]

TS

Upgrade yourself. Prepare yourself for multiple industry. Choose your job and not job choose you.


Best wish

[omg3344]

Originally Posted by larue

Your behavior is definitely self-destructive and I think you know you need help.

Persist with your treatment, it doesn't help unless you follow through with it until you're in better shape to help yourself.

i just dont have the determination to carry on..

[omg3344]

Originally Posted by lasupkia

This first thing you must know is you are not the only one trapped in this situation. Many others have succeeded in getting help and changing their lives around.

The most important thing is your life. Not your job or the FLs. Call up SOS hotline and talk about your problems. Take the first step to search for the hotline number. You have to help yourself.

thanks bro...i will try..

[omg3344]

Originally Posted by jinwuseh

TS,

You are not alone. I am very stressful as well.

For 22 years of working on and off encounter lan jiao people giving problem.

I have being given lower bonus all these years. Pay is almost coming to ceiling liao.

No car rely on electric assist bicycle to work risking my safety.

Not enough money to comfortably retire at 55 must stretch my head to make saving from sources outside income.

Life is never easy. Be happy and don't cheong don't drink don't gamble.

thanks for your encouragement...sometime i just feel so down i find everything is meaningless...

[omg3344]

Originally Posted by zanketon

hey bro,

If you don help yourself, there is no one else that can help you...

thanks bro...

[omg3344]

Originally Posted by Dark Side

Bro omg3344.

I think the other bros here have given good advice
and I would like to add to them.

1) Yr sex life. This is a sex forum,
so no one here has the right to judge u abt yr lifestyle.
We all have our fair share of FL, WL, ML, OL,
Whatever-L, escort, KTV girl, neighbour, dog, etc.




.

i am afraid ... it just aggravate my condition by thinking of it now...i am so weak and silly...

[omg3344]

Originally Posted by BrightDay

TS

Upgrade yourself. Prepare yourself for multiple industry. Choose your job and not job choose you.


Best wish

thanks bro...