should religion be a factor to start a relationship and marriage?

[cocky1234]

hi bro here.

recently im keep thinking should religion be one of the main factor in starting relationship and marriage. in a taoist and my family is taoist.

i recently meet 2 girls that are very nice in character. both are equally attractive. the difference is 1 girl is a Christian and her family too, the other girl is Taoist and so her family.

my parents encouraged me to find a girl of same religion as they prefer someone with same belief and can pray ancestor, future kids follow family practice and etc.

however, i seems to like the Christian girl more than the taoist girl. but both girl also likes me as well.. now i very hard to choose which girl i should be with and i want a long lasting relationship.

i know the Christian girl hinted me before that she wants a Christian marriage and her parents also believe a Christian husband should be a better pick.

any bros here that are in inter-religious and successful in family? hope someone able to share should religious be a decisive factor in successful marriage?

thanks

[GingerEm]

The difference between dating and marriage is that the marriage includes a "village".

Interfaith marriages are possible however it will come with quite a few challenges.

Expectations kill.

It is always good to be clear on all expectations up front. Do you want your children to be raised Christian or Taoist? Will Mummy say that praying for ancestors = "sinning" and burning paper money = "praying to the devil"?

Will the in laws be respectful of the differences in religion?

Honestly it all boils down to managing expectation and respect. If your relationship is based on respect and you can converse well enough together to discuss expectations then all will be well.

Wish you the best of luck

[Notary]

Originally Posted by cocky1234

any bros here that are in inter-religious and successful in family? hope someone able to share should religious be a decisive factor in successful marriage?

Hello Bro cocky,



Firstly, congratulations on having 2 girls going head over heels for you. I'm sure many bros here would love to be in your position



Religion itself is a very sensitive topic by nature and it usually makes inter-family relationships pertaining to marriages pretty complicated especially when you have parents who are very particular about this kind of things or especially when one party is Christian due to them believing in what 2 Corinthians 6:14 says.



When I have a problem surfacing in my life, I would always ask myself what is the end point going to be like, I need to know the desired conclusion first. If your end game is to have a happy life with the girl you think who could be your life time partner then you need to choose the girl according to our Singapore pledge, "regardless of race, language or religion" but if your end game is to make your parents happy, then you can proceed to choose the "right" robot, er.. i mean girl to fulfil all criteria in accordance to your family's happiness index.



There are inter-faith marriages that have worked perfectly before in the history of mankind, but each couple has got their own unique different terrains to conquer - your situation is highly likely to be mutually exclusive from others. You need to lay out your life, analyse carefully and come up with a sound decision.



Once you've made your decision, speak with your family. Communication is key. The lack of communication has killed many families on a global scale, its like a spiritual nuclear bomb. Talk to your parents and discuss with them, try to compromise and come up with a win-win plan.



Maybe none of these 2 girls are meant to be yours.
Maybe one of them is meant to become your wife.
Maybe your soulmate is still out there waiting for you.
Maybe your parents don't really mind you having a Christian wife at all.
Maybe you'll not be a taoist in 5 years time.
Maybe.... there could be 101 maybes but only you can set your own future.



Good luck bro.

[makeyouhappy]

Great question TS.

The idealist in me would like you to follow your heart's fancy and pursue the girl you are more comfortable being with, whichever that may be!

The pragmatist in me will ask you to consider speaking to both these girls (separately, of course), and see how much they are willing to put into the relationship and face the future by your side.

Before you make your decision, you probably want to consult the two girls and decide how far are you willing to go together, before "committing" to a relationship.

Maybe their answers will help you make a decision easily.

[cocky1234]

Hi Bro.

thank you for all your suggestions. i will try to speak with them and hope their answers would help me make a decision.

thanks for all the positive input. will keep you guys posted on the outcome

[cocky1234]

hmm.. i have chosen the taoist girl as my gf.. happy news i guess... but sadly she is not a girl that love sex or will talk about sex.. haiz.. really good girl type till sex is taboo to her . sad news i guess

[Augustus]

Originally Posted by cocky1234

hmm.. i have chosen the taoist girl as my gf.. happy news i guess... but sadly she is not a girl that love sex or will talk about sex.. haiz.. really good girl type till sex is taboo to her . sad news i guess

grats on the decision made. actually, you just have to follow your heart. things will fall in place naturally.

she is good girl until sex is considered taboo? what does that signify? she cherishes her virginity and it is prized nowadays. so its good for you

[squiggle]

Draw a clear line that whether one is to be convert to another religion or each just stick each their own religion. No point of fighting and stress up over such matter.

[ds88]

Originally Posted by makeyouhappy

The idealist in me would like you to follow your heart's fancy and pursue the girl you are more comfortable being with, whichever that may be!

The pragmatist in me will ask you to consider speaking to both these girls (separately, of course), and see how much they are willing to put into the relationship and face the future by your side.

good post about idealism and pragmatism!

it's probably a 2-way street in who's willing to do what for the other party
to sustain the relationship/marriage

[cocky1234]

well i hope she will open up as time pass.. i do like her, but im also a guy that hungry for sex.. (sorry cant control my beast) i tried to ask her to go for short stay cation at Kranji Farm 2molo since is Deepavali and PH. she scolded me. say that she will not go with me n dont ever ask her about staycation again

[cocky1234]

i guess i should go Geylang to satisfy my sex drive ba.. since gf will not allow me to have sex with her.

[mikek]

Sex is an essential and necessary part of marriage for most guys. As you have a voracious appetite, wouldn't it make sense to find a partner who has a similar appetite? Just my 2 cents.

[Boinkboinkboink]

Originally Posted by cocky1234

i guess i should go Geylang to satisfy my sex drive ba.. since gf will not allow me to have sex with her.

“Clarity and stillness are the rectification of the world”
— Daode jing

“Therefore let people hold on to these:
Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.” [19]

— Daode jing

[Xyberduke]

From what I read, religion is a factor in your case.

Point 1: Who has priority.
Your parents will stick with you through thick and thin. Your wife may stick with you through thick and thin.

Point 2: What is a happy family.
As yourself. Do a litmus test. Can your wife and your family stay under one roof with all being happy or one bearing prejudice against another? If the answer is yes, this is a happy family. You don't need to live together actually, but when all comes together for gathering, do you want your parents to think about how they objected but you insist or see your wife tries really hard to please your parents, or see your parents adjust their opinions to suit you?



You don't choose your parents, but you can choose your wife. period. This is a no-brainer decision, don't let your dick or your emotional streak blind you.

[arsenal_84]

Originally Posted by mikek

Sex is an essential and necessary part of marriage for most guys. As you have a voracious appetite, wouldn't it make sense to find a partner who has a similar appetite? Just my 2 cents.

frankly speaking, is not that easy to find another partner with similar drive.
besides there is also the possibility of the drive dying down after marriage or once kids come into the picture.