Advice on getting a divorce. I am a Malaysian.

Megatronzombie · #1 25-06-2007, 07:35 AM

Dear bros,

I have had enough of my wife after 3 years...

Even before we married i forgave her for many things included sleeping for a couple of months with another guy... getting pregnant from another guy (a guy whom I told her not to get close to and she did and he raped her) and abortion... she begged me to have her back and I did... maybe that was a mistake I made...

These days she gets very very commanding. Demanding that I must give her a lot of money. And the worst is when i work hard, she said work is not everything. So what? Money fall from the sky? And she always says I selfish, says I blame her on everything. All I wanted her to do is not to spend like a millionaire when her credit card is all red (and I help her pay as much as i could)... when I wanted to ask her to see what she spends on, she refused to talk about it.

We have fights a lot. As some of you know, I am working in SG and when she comes over to visit me, we fight and I get tired during weekends and can't seem to work well on mondays and tuesdays afterwards... like today... too tired to think...

Due to the previous rape, she will not make love any other way but missionary. She will lie there like deadfish and do nothing. Sometimes I faked enjoying myself so that she won't get upset afterwards... and I resorted to FLs as you bros knows... I can't help it... sometimes I find doing with a FL or Geylang feels more secure than with my own wife...

Maybe I shouldn't mention the above or maybe I am trying to get sympathy from bros... but whatever the case... I am hoping for some advice on divorce procedures...

I was told if I divorce my wife, half of my assets goes to her and I have to pay alimony? I don't want to go to Court with all evidence of my wife doing all sort of stuff... I just want a divorce with consent or something (not sure the correct term)... so that she won't lose face... she has a huge ego problem... she get furious, angry and mad when I scold her in front of anyone. And when I say sorry to her, she use that advantage to ask for presents, or to give way to something she wanted...

I want to know how does the alimony and assets divide goes and whether there are ways I can avoid that. If there isn't, so be it... I have came to a point that losing more than 100K and above is nothing compared to a lifetime of misery...

Pls advise bros... Thanks.

mebirdie · #2 25-06-2007, 07:52 AM

First of all, most important

- Do you have children? This is a critical point for alimony to be paid
- You said that you are working in Singapore and she come and visit you? Means that you are not married in SG?

I have only give you some tips for SG only.
The distribution of the assets depends
- Age
- Marriage period
- Sex Life
- Children
- Family contribution like who pay for daily expenditure, house
- Divorce reason - new husband will affect greatly
- Working Capabability
- Adultery Evidences

It range from 0% to 50%. Just ask her not to demand any thing for divorce. In that case, no single cents involved.

tanmikel · #3 25-06-2007, 08:51 AM

you can also tell her that if she contest divorce , juicy details will be revealed but then again , you need evidence of her juicy life

block11 · #4 25-06-2007, 09:05 AM

bro Megatronzombie, you can visit this website for some info on SG laws:

http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/awareness/divorce.htm

there's a contact number at the bottom. call them if you need more info. all the best to you bro

MisterSportivo · #5 25-06-2007, 09:09 AM

Even those juicy stuff came out, the guy still need to pay alimony. maybe not so much.

cheers
eric

steamer · #6 25-06-2007, 09:16 AM

i think also depends wthr ur marriage registered in m'sia or sg; if in m'sia, u may need to consult m'sia bros.
all the best

Castrol · #7 25-06-2007, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Megatronzombie

Even before we married i forgave her for many things included sleeping for a couple of months with another guy... getting pregnant from another guy (a guy whom I told her not to get close to and she did and he raped her) and abortion...

good grief...

Ronsee · #8 25-06-2007, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Castrol

good grief...

haha i salute the threadstarter for his BIG heart towards his wife. Honestly if it was me...i would have fark her off long time ago.

Anyway thats just me.

Cheers

Megatronzombie · #9 25-06-2007, 11:42 AM

Dear bros,

Thanks for the info.

The website is for SG marriages but I registered marriage in Malaysia about 2 years ago no more than 3 years.

Me and my wife works. Both of us is about 27 - 29 age.

No children at the moment.

No adultery after we married except for the case she claimed she was raped, that was after marriage registration.

I previously strongly suggest that we see a marriage councillor but she refused.

I really do not wish to put more pain by putting up with the juicy details. Yes I have details in hardcopy, findings etc.

Any input?

Castrol · #10 25-06-2007, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronsee

haha i salute the threadstarter for his BIG heart towards his wife. Honestly if it was me...i would have fark her off long time ago.

i'm very sure he has some reasons, but sometimes its good to lay off a while before making a decision.

Midnightiger · #11 25-06-2007, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Megatronzombie

Dear bros,

Thanks for the info.

The website is for SG marriages but I registered marriage in Malaysia about 2 years ago no more than 3 years.

Me and my wife works. Both of us is about 27 - 29 age.

No children at the moment.

No adultery after we married except for the case she claimed she was raped, that was after marriage registration.

I previously strongly suggest that we see a marriage councillor but she refused.

I really do not wish to put more pain by putting up with the juicy details. Yes I have details in hardcopy, findings etc.

Any input?

Although I'm recently divorced, I would try to advice against it if I can.

Now, you mentioned that you suggested going to a marriage councillor but you wife refused. I take it that in your heart, you actually wanted to hang on to your marriage for whatever reasons best known to you, be it love, owe her in your previous life or whatever. So on your part, there are good signs. The problem now is on her part.

She seems to be "in control" of your relationship where she can demand, be firm, ignore or whatever and you generally have to give in. There must be a reason to that. The fact that you even married her despite her being unfaithful and unreasonable towards you must have some reasons behind. Maybe you don't want others to know, it doesn't matter.

What you need to do is to use the "shock" treatment method. Engage a lawyer from Malaysia and give instruction to the lawyer to send her a letter indicating that you are filing for divorce for whatever reasons you may want to list, like unreasonable behaviour in the excessive credit card spending, poor sex between both or you, and whatever you want to let her know why you want to divorce her.

Now, why I suggest you list everything that you are unhappy out. The reason is because, she may not want to divorce you and may want to make up back. I'm assuming that if she does, you would probably take her back. So listing out everything you are unhappy about, will put you in an advantage position in that she has to change or accommodate your requirements. Hopefully, your requirements are reasonable.

If she agrees to the divorce, then there is no problem and your lawyer will then advice you accordingly. Just go through it and life carries on.

My 2 cents worth.

Megatronzombie · #12 25-06-2007, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnightiger

Although I'm recently divorced, I would try to advice against it if I can.

Now, you mentioned that you suggested going to a marriage councillor but you wife refused. I take it that in your heart, you actually wanted to hang on to your marriage for whatever reasons best known to you, be it love, owe her in your previous life or whatever. So on your part, there are good signs. The problem now is on her part.

She seems to be "in control" of your relationship where she can demand, be firm, ignore or whatever and you generally have to give in. There must be a reason to that. The fact that you even married her despite her being unfaithful and unreasonable towards you must have some reasons behind. Maybe you don't want others to know, it doesn't matter.

What you need to do is to use the "shock" treatment method. Engage a lawyer from Malaysia and give instruction to the lawyer to send her a letter indicating that you are filing for divorce for whatever reasons you may want to list, like unreasonable behaviour in the excessive credit card spending, poor sex between both or you, and whatever you want to let her know why you want to divorce her.

Now, why I suggest you list everything that you are unhappy out. The reason is because, she may not want to divorce you and may want to make up back. I'm assuming that if she does, you would probably take her back. So listing out everything you are unhappy about, will put you in an advantage position in that she has to change or accommodate your requirements. Hopefully, your requirements are reasonable.

If she agrees to the divorce, then there is no problem and your lawyer will then advice you accordingly. Just go through it and life carries on.

My 2 cents worth.

Hi bro,

I have gone through the reconciliation part many times and half the times even when I am not wrong, I forced myself to apologised so that the matter can be resolved... I am very very sick and tired of apologising and having her being angry or upset at me for things I do but I don't feel that I am wrong and having her keep making me promise to do this better that better. The fact is I feel I am the only one trying to make things better here and I am shit tired about the whole thing... why does she have the right to demand this and demand that while she can lay back while I work like dog?

Another thing is, if I issue a lawyer's letter, I know here very well. She will immediately misconstrued the whole thing, get very very angry, scream and then cry a lot say she hate me for the rest of her life and she will remember this till the day she dies and storm away or start hitting me. And I fear the things she might do like sleeping with someone which she did last time when she wasnt happy with me... So no issuing letter...

I want to just talk to her one last time, maybe this weekend and if nothing can be resolved and she reduced to a screaming kicking wreck, I will have to then end it then and there. She will definitely threaten with alimony etc and I will tell her we will let the Court decide.

GTOKING · #13 25-06-2007, 07:58 PM

Brother , i think you should talk to her nicely about the future , just ask her to think about it, let her free time to cool down , you can propose to her
to have a cool down period about 2 week or 1 month , after the period then decide .......

Megatronzombie · #14 25-06-2007, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by G+++ING

Brother , i think you should talk to her nicely about the future , just ask her to think about it, let her free time to cool down , you can propose to her
to have a cool down period about 2 week or 1 month , after the period then decide .......

... the last time a cooling period happened, she went and slept with someone..

Sanction · #15 25-06-2007, 08:16 PM

It seems like your marriage has reached a point of no return. You used to love her more than she loves you and that's the reason you have been putting up with her all this while. Fair, if you have decided to proceed with the divorce proceeding, after reading all the advice given, then be prepared to go through the psychological & emotional aspects of divorce. It's tough pal! My only advice to you : channel out all your cash b4 your divorce proceeding. All the best.